I write under the pen name John M. Gardener, I always wondered why people had pen names when I was a kid, do they have pencil names also I thought? Anyways, I am a writer and I had always imagined that writers wrote about interesting things like poems, romance novels and comedy as they sit around in a Dick Van Dike like think tank room. I have always wanted a job like Dick Van Dyke, but unlike the show I have to write about things I could care less about. The paradox to this is that as I sit writing about everything between what new TV model is the best one to buy, and why this frying pan is better than the others, or which brand of dog food a person should purchase for their pet, I always wonder how many people will ever actually read these product reviews.

I would love to write about something I want to write about sometimes. Well sometimes isn’t all the time for me and I have to really struggle to find time to write for myself. Like everyone else, writers have to eat too, so I have to write for others for now to make a living. I rarely turn away writing jobs, if I do its mostly for the reason that I lack technical knowledge regarding a particular subject.

All industries need writers, majority of the writing jobs are for marketing. But every now and then I have a sexually related article pass over my desk. Now, I give a fair glance at all the writing jobs that pass my way, but I want to let the reader understand that I have written some pretty interesting topics in the past. I’m not new to sexually related topics, so I thought. I once wrote an article about pre-mature ejaculation, what causes it and its remedies. I was not prepared though when I received article requests for male and female sex toys.

I have turned down jobs before because I lacked the “technical” know how, but in this case I do know a little about these kinds of, for lack of a better word “sex toys.” The problem was that I just couldn’t commit my mind into writing that information down on paper.

So, I just sat down and gave a hardy laugh over it and let it pass on by. The funny thing is that before I made the decision to pass up the job I had actually begun to write the article in my mind. I imagined how to best describe these functioning replicas of the human sex anatomy. It was then that I burst into laughter because what I imagined myself writing about regarding these sex toy products I just couldn’t bring myself to write a description in my mind let alone on paper.

To write good, passionate, daringly sensual and believable articles about sex toys a writer should have some experience in the field of sex toys, so that the article will be entertaining, captivating and keep the reader interested in the product enough that they would make a purchase. A good article should sell the product, so it is important to describe the item and its functions in detail. Also, the article should be instructive on how to best use a product in a way that the reader will be compelled to buy it. Writing a product description for a sex toy would require a person to have some familiarity or experience with porno, the adult sex industry and understand the jargon to be effective in writing a proper product review.

I turned down the job not because I lack the technical skills, the familiarity of these products or knowledge of the adult industry’s jargon. The real reason I turned down this particular writing job was for once I just couldn’t put what I thought on paper. This is one of the main reasons writers use pen names, so their mothers will never find out what their grown up kids are writing about. So there it is, I hit my limit. I can’t write Porno or Adult Material.